Weekend Update on the Ninth Circuit Court’s Ruling – SNL


>>>IT’S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH
COLIN JOST, AND MICHAEL CHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>WHAT’S UP, EVERYBODY?>>WELCOME TO WEEKEND UPDATE.
I’M COLLIN JOST.>>I’M MICHAEL CHE.
>>AN APPEALS COURT UNANIMOUSLY UPHELD THE SUSPENSION OF
PRESIDENT TRUMP’S TRAVEL BAN. BUT I MEAN, WHO ARE THEY TO
JUDGE? OH, FEDERAL JUDGES?
OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
MINUTES AFTER THE RULING, PRESIDENT TRUMP TWEETED IN ALL
CAPS, “SEE YOU IN COURT.” HONEY, YOU, YOU CAN’T THREATEN
FEDERAL JUDGES WITH MORE COURT. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND, YOU JUST LOST IN COURT. TRUMP’S THE GUY WHO GETS HIS ASS
KICKED IN AN ALLEY AND THEN YELLS OUT, “LET’S TAKE THIS
OUTSIDE!” [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT THEN FRIDAY, PRESIDENT TRUMP SAID HE MAY JUST FILE A BRAND
NEW IMMIGRATION ORDER INSTEAD OF APPEALING TO THE SUPREME COURT.
OF COURSE, BECAUSE NOBODY ACTUALLY FOLLOWS THROUGH WITH AN
ALL CAPS TWEET. I ONCE TWEETED IN ALL CAPS, “I
AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN.” [ LAUGHTER ]
THREE DAYS LATER MY ACCOUNT WAS DISABLED BY NBC FOR DRUNK
TWEETING AT MEREDITH VIEIRA. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>PRESIDENT TRUMP FALSELY CLAIMED IN A SPEECH THAT THE
MEDIA HAS PURPOSELY FAILED TO COVER TERRORIST ATTACKS.
‘CAUSE WHEN HE WAS FLIPPING THROUGH THE CHANNELS THE OTHER
NIGHT, ONLY TBS WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO AIR THE STORY OF THE AMERICAN
SCIENTIST GUNNED DOWN BY LIBYANS.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>A NEW LIST OF TERRORIST
ATTACKS RELEASED BY THE WHITE HOUSE THIS WEEK WAS ALSO RIDDLED
WITH SPELLING ERRORS. OR THERE HAS BEEN A HUGE
INCREASE IN RADICAL ICELANDIC TERRORISM.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>WHILE SIGNING THE NEW
EXECUTIVE ORDERS ON CRIME, PRESIDENT TRUMP SAID, “A NEW ERA
OF JUSTICE BEGINS AND IT BEGINS RIGHT NOW.”
THEN HE SPENT 20 MINUTES STRUGGLING TO GET INTO A BATMAN
COSTUME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>ON THURSDAY THE WHITE HOUSE QUOTE, “COUNSELED,”
KELLYANNE CONWAY AFTER SHE VIOLATE A FEDERAL ETHICS RULE BY
PROMOTING IVANKA TRUMP’S CLOTHING LINE ON FOX NEWS.
COUNSELED? HER JOB TITLE IS LITERALLY,
“COUNSELOR TO PRESIDENT.” TRUMP’S WHITE HOUSE IS SO
DYSFUNCTIONAL, THAT HIS COUNSELOR NEEDS A COUNSELOR.
THAT’S LIKE YOUR UBER DRIVER ASKING YOU TO GET OUT AND PUSH.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>THE SENATE VOTED ON WEDNESDAY
TO CONFIRM JEFF BEAUREGARD SESSIONS AS OUR
NEW CONFEDERATE GENERAL — SORRY, ATTORNEY GENERAL.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] SESSIONS WAS REJECTED FOR A
POSITION AS FEDERAL JUDGE IN 1986 OVER CONCERNS OF RACISM.
BUT DON’T WORRY, IF THERE’S ONE THING THAT MAKES RACISTS BETTER
IT’S AGE. [ LAUGHTER ]
MY GRANDPA KEEPS GETTING MORE AND MORE TOLERANT.
[ LAUGHTER ] NOW HE SAYS, “MY
AFRICAN-AMERICAN NURSE IS STEALING FROM ME.”
[ LAUGHTER ]>>KEEP TELLING YOUR GRANDPA I’M
NOT HIS NURSE.>>NEWLY CONFIRMED, BETSEY
DEVOS, I CALL HER BEV BIL DEVOS.>>BETSY DEVOS WAS BLOCKED FROM
ENTERING A SCHOOL BY PROTESTERS. A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE PANICKED
ABOUT THE NEW SECRETARY OF EDUCATION.
MY SISTER HAS A KID IN PUBLIC SCHOOL, AND EVEN SHE IS WORRIED.
THE PACE OF THE PRESIDENCY IS EXHAUSTING.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY THIS, BUT I AM STARTING TO FEEL
BAD FOR DONALD TRUMP. IN JUST THE SPAN OF ONE DAY, HE
WAS IN A LOSING BATTLE WITH THREE FEDERAL JUDGES, A
DECORATED WAR HERO, AND, A DEPARTMENT STORE.
DUDE, PACE YOURSELF. DONALD TRUMP CAN’T KEEP THIS UP.
NOT WITH THAT OLD BLOODED KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN BODY.
EVERY TIME HE CHECKS THE INTERNET HE HAS TO SEE PICTURES
OF THE OBAMA IN THE CARIBBEAN GETTING HIS GROOVE BACK.
OBAMA IS — OBAMA IS ALL GETTING HENNA
TATTOOS. MEANWHILE TRUMP IS FORCE SMILING
THROUGH A 30 SECOND HANDSHAKE WITH THE PRIME MINISTER OF
JAPAN, LIKE “WHAT AM I DOING HERE?”
I HOPE HE QUITS. DONALD, IS THIS REALLY HOW YOU
WANT TO SPEND THE LAST TWO YEARS OF YOUR LIFE.
>>>SENATOR WARREN WAS ASKED TO STAND DOWN WHEN READING A LETTER
FROM CORETTA SCOTT KING. HERE IS ELIZABETH WARREN.
>>THANK YOU SO MUCH. UM, YES, GOOD MORNING, TO YOU
BOTH AND THANK YOU SO MUCH. THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE FUN, BUT
IT IS NECESSARY. SO LET’S START RIGHT IN.
[ LAUGHTER ] SENATOR, HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT
BEING TOLD TO SIT DOWN BY MITCH McCONNELL?
>>WELL, HE TRIED TO SHUT ME UP. BUT NEVERTHELESS, I PERSISTED.
IN MAKING TWITTER MY B. I WILL NEVER STOP ROOTING OUT
CORRUPTION. WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE FIRST
QUESTION, ANCHOR JOST, WE WILL BEGIN WITH A YES/NO QUESTION.
NOW, IT SAYS HERE YOU AND MICHAEL CHE ARE CREDITED AS FULL
CAST MEMBERS ON THE SHOW? IS THAT CORRECT?
>>ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>YES, I AM. AND YET YOU ONLY PERFORM IN A
TEN MINUTE SEGMENT, ENTITLED, SORRY I HAVE IT HERE, CALLED
“WEEKEND UPDATE.” IS THAT YES?
[ LAUGHTER ]>>THAT’S CORRECT.
YES.>>AND YET YOU COLLECT THE SAME
PAYCHECK OF A CAST MEMBER WHO APPEARS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE
SHOW. THAT’S INTERESTING.
IS IT NOT ALSO TRUE THAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY A BOARD MEMBER FOR
GOLDMAN SACHS?>>THAT ITS NOT TRUE.
NO. WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME
THAT?>>I THINK IT IS THE HAIR.
>>IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE WORKING, ON THE JOB, AREN’T
THERE OTHER DEMOCRATS?>>IT’S ME, BERNIE AND SCHUMER.
THAT’S AMY SCHUMER. BRINGS ME TO THE NEXT ORDER OF
BUSINESS. ANCHOR JOST, IS IT NOT TRUE THAT
AS A TELEVISION PERSONALITY YOU RECEIVED FREEBIES AND SWAG BAGS
FROM SUCH COMPANIES AS POPCHIPS, CHAPSTICK, AND JAMBA JUICE?
>>OKAY. OCCASIONALLY, YEAH, WE GET FREE
STUFF. WE DON’T LET IT AFFECT WHAT WE
DO. RIGHT, CHE?
>>NOPE.>>LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT CHE
IS GUZZLING A RAZZMATAZZ SMOOTHIE.
>>YOU DO NOT STOP?>>NO, MY FIT BIT SAYS CHECK
ENGINE.>>HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THIS
WAY?>>YES, IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, I WAS
THE GIRL WHO WOULD DO THIS? EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, HE IS
WRITING ON THE DESK.>>YOU WERE NOT ABLE TO PREVENT
TRUMP’S NOMINEES. THEY WERE ALL CONFIRMED.
>>GLAD THAT YOU BROUGHT UP PRESIDENT TRUMP.
CONCERNING THE TIME THAT DONALD TRUMP HOSTED THIS —
>>WE’RE OUT OF TIME.>>AM I BEING SILENCED.
MR. CHAIRMAN, I WILL BE ASKING FOR THE QUORUM.
>>THERE IS NO QUORUM HERE.>>ELIZABETH WARREN, EVERYONE.

100 comments

  1. SNL should just change its name to 'Loser TV show that Hates the new Admin.' Instead of bothering with doing a "Show"….just stand on stage and yell: "We Hate Trump, We hate Trump" ….then go out and smash some windows and burn something!

  2. I LOVE TRUMP!!! He is going to skim the Top Layers so losers like you and I can rise to the top! Hollywood will finally clean up their act, Terrorists will die, and the women that falsely accused Bill Cosby will get what's coming to them. GO TRUMP!

  3. is this really how you wanna spend the last 2 years of your life… lol , wonder why that length of time doesn't include the whole term of his presidency ?

  4. look how they treat trump…and search to find how they treat obama….obama promise he ll close guantanamo…leave iraq.make jobs for blacks and lot more…he didnt do anything.he didnt noting he was a puppet…triple the debt….these guys are bias and puppets…empty brain loke libertards who prostests

  5. "my Fitbit says 'check engine'" and "I was the girl doing this '🙋excuse me,🙋 excuse me, he's writing on the desk 🙋🙋🙋'" 😂😂😂

  6. Kate McKinnon is truly amazing. Her Jeff Sessions definitely sealed for me that she really can impersonate anybody.

  7. Snl is now the worst comedy show on. They have nothing original anymore. We are so sick of your political comedy show.

  8. I love Elizabeth Warren as a senator but I love this impersonation of her as well. Why don't we just elect the cast of SNL to be our government officials at this point XD

  9. Well our nation has been fine long before Trump showed up. Not like the Mexican or Candian armys have taken and occupied American soil.

  10. Read this REPUBLICANS this is our President.

    Donald Trump Is Accused Of Raping A 13-Year-Old. Why Haven't The Media Covered It?

  11. Funny as all get out trump struggling into a batman costume. , seriously crazy funny. An the uber joke about passenger giving him a push. Ben carson in charge of the projects , how funny is it for real. Good load. Dang it's wild an crazy, this gov. Writes it's self week after week . hmmm. Bill maher.

  12. Who else here is a republican and finds this fucking hilarious? The Batman one had me dying for 10 minutes 😂😂😂😂

  13. Speaking as somebody who lives in Massachusetts, Kate's impression of Senator Warren is DEAD ON and brilliantly funny lmao

  14. Without mentioninng crooked Hillarys crimes and felonies, never mentioning Obama's wrecking of our country, why do people of color say ax, instead of ask???

  15. Pochhantis should know corruption when she has lies for years about being American Indian and used it to get into Harvard.

  16. I LOVE Elizabeth Warren, but Kate has her absolutely nailed: she IS that nerdy brown nose from high school.
    Of course, after the current POS, a nerdy brown nose might be exactly what we need.

  17. sessions looks like an evil keebler elf, after he murdered all his fellow elves, poisoned the cookies headed to the store, and then burnt down the Keebler tree.

    Also, I see betsy finally changed her surname. such a shame, her original surname, Devoid De Moralidad, suited her so well.

  18. They need to stop Kate from goin on weekend update just makes me click of the video the rest of the guests are ass to the only one who's good is pete

  19. Who would have thought I would say the phrase, "I miss Jeff Sessions, an Attorney General with standards."

  20. Today Congress voted to make Jeff Beauregard Sessions our next Confederate general, my mistake attorney general, it's gonna be attorney general" lol 😂

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