Top 20 Worst Sega Genesis Games – Kimble Justice


When I started reviewing games on YouTube,
I thought ìHow can I boost my channel up early on?î, and then I realised ìAh! People
like shit! Although generally I prefer talking about games I like, Iíll do some negative
videos!îÖand so I did just that! And it worked! Those 3 ìWorst 20 Genesis Gamesî
videos were quite popular!…but, hell, they could have been better. SoÖwell, why not
revisit the topic? Itís not really what I do anymore, but seeing as the old videos are
kind of buggered and Iíve got more experience under my beltÖitís still a dig thatís worth
mining, isnít it? So letís not waste any more time. Gather your shovels, ladies and
gentlemen, and get ready for the worst games that the greatest of consoles has to offer!
Itís the top 20 Worst Sega Genesis games, redone! And it starts NOW. We start with one of the Mega Driveís first
sports games ñ World Cup Italia í90! You can forgive old sports games a lot of the
time for being rubbish ñ they might well have been good at some point, but itís a
genre all about trying to replicate somethingÖ.when something that technically replicates a sport
better comes along, a lot of the older games become obsoleteÖonly the classics survive.
World Cup Italia í90 was not, is not and never will be a classic. In fact, it was horrendous
even back thenÖyou know what this used to be? My self-hate game ñ Iím bored, I look
at my games and get cheesed off because I canít decide what to play at all, and so
I punish myself by playing this, so I could fume at the irritating music, bemoan the stiff
controls and how the game felt like you were moving through glue, or scowl at graphics
that looked like they were drawn byÖwell, me. The matches also last an eternity, and
the only way to play is by hurling up long balls wherever you goÖI almost want to give
it some credit because Iíve played it so much, but no ñ itís awful and thatís why
I played it, so I could relax and settle into my state of irritated ennui, wondering why
I wasnít playing fucking Streets of Rage 2 or whatever. Itís a good way to start! Rastan Saga II by Taito thankfully doesnít
come with any psychological baggage ñ itís just cack. Do you remember the original Rastan?
ëTwas a very nice, fast-paced arcade game ñ of all the many games that featured a Conan-esque
strapping muscle-bound bear of a man front and centre, it was amongst the best ñ and
it also got a cracking port on the Master System to boot!..the gameís sequel arrived
soon after and was ported to the MD in 1990Öand itís a shattering disappointment. The speedís
the first concern ñ since the first game, it appears as though Rastanís contracted
rheumatism, arthritis, AND shinglesÖseriously, Iíd have a more kinetic experience with a
bloody 85-year old. But then when he jumps, he goes for bloody miles and you can barely
control it!…itís a royal pain. But really, the designís just gone to pot ñ Rastanís
jumping puzzles and variation is completely gone in favour of walking right and hammering
your sword button ñ usually so you can break blocks as opposed to skewering enemiesÖnot
fun. The only joy in this game comes from the laughably bad translation jobÖgod, look
at this. But in the end, you expect a HELL of a lot better from TaitoÖhaving said all
that, itís not a bad conversion of the actual arcade game! Because that was utterly horrible
too. Next up is the 16-bit Mickey Mouse game no-one
really likes to talk about ñ because after all, most of them were very good! From Castle
of Illusion on the Mega Drive to Magical Quest on the SNES, Mickey Mouse being on the cover
was usually a signifier of a good timeÖexcept for this one. Fantasia came about in the wake
of both the success of Castle of Illusion and the re-release of the classic film in
cinemas and on videoÖSega usually developed the Mickey games themselves, but this time
decided to give the reins over to European developers InfogramesÖthe result was a shitshow.
Why so awful? Well, the platforming is so ungainly ñ itís one of those games where
the jumping is very delayed, making it hard to judge when to jumpÖand this game requires
very precise platforming, making it frustrating as hell. The collision detection is also buggered,
making almost any enemy encounter potentially deadly. And if you donít collect every musical
note in a stage, you have to repeat it all over againÖin all my time spent playing it,
Iíve never got past level 1. The graphics are admittedly ok, but theyíre also paired
with awful renditions of the classical pieces chosen for the filmÖthe whole game is hopeless,
a maelstrom of cack-handed design that was quickly swept under the carpet. Needless to
say, Infogrames werenít asked back for World of IllusionÖthank heaven for small mercies. Stormlord is the first game here that didnít
feature in the original list, but it probably deserves it. Hell, quite a few games by Razor
Soft deserve to be on here ñ they tried to find a niche in the early days of the Mega
Drive by producing ìadultî video games ñ in other words, sex and violence! Even before
that became a trendÖtrouble was, they were all terrible ñ thereís a good reason why
Razorsoft appear on this list no less than three timesÖanyway, Stormlordís first up.
This isnít all that violent, but thereís certainly sex ñ lots of damn near naked women
about. Not that this changes anything about the game ñ a very bad platformer-cum-puzzle
game, another one where you have to collect crap in order to finish a levelÖthe big problem
here though is that you usually have to do a level in a very exact way, otherwise you
have to restart. And thereís several cases where you can screw up and not be able to
die, meaning youíd have to reset the damn game ñ you can honestly do this without even
knowing it. Just atrocious designÖitís no surprise that the game started out life as
a mediocre Euro 8-bit game, originally made for the C64 and Spectrum ñ that sort of shit
doesnít transfer well to the Mega Drive. Stormlord is an ugly, terrible game that only
ever got cheap notoriety thanks to the promise of badly drawn breasts ñ an embarrassment
thatís right down at the bottom of the barrel. The first time I made the list, Ultraman was
pretty high ñ it made the top 3, in fact. Since thenÖIíve made peace with it a little
ñ thereís plenty worse fighting games around. Itís still quite awful though ñ itís probably
better known on the SNES, and this Mega Drive version never left Japan, but itís still
the same gameÖsome things like the animation and the general throwing around of big monsters
isnít so bad ñ it does sort of feel like a big cheesy 60ís monster battle. The trouble
with the game mostly comes when you have to end a fight ñ when you knock an enemyís
bar down to zero, they donít die. To kill them, you have to charge up your weapons to
full power and use the Specium BeamÖdoing this can take quite a long time, and you only
ever get a very short window to hit it in ñ if you miss, or if itís blocked, or if
the enemyís health isnít at zero ñ and it does recharge ñ youíll have to spend
a good 2 minutes charging the beam over againÖand needless to say, the enemy doesnít have to
do this in order to kill you. This one terrible idea utterly kills the game, and makes it
miserable to play ñ who wants to spend an eternity pointlessly beating up on a near-dead
enemy, just waiting for a beam to charge? Not me. More pointless violence! More ugly graphics!
More utter shit! I canít believe I forgot Time Killers the first time throughÖthereís
a lot of terrible beat-ëem-ups on the Mega Drive of course, but I somehow overlooked
this oneÖitís just plain grotesque. Obviously itís a game that came out in the wake of
Mortal Kombat ñ suddenly violence is all the rage! Canít have a game unless thereís
pints of blood leaking out everywhere so we can upset Joe Lieberman! Damn near all mid-90ís
game marketing was based around trying to trigger the Streisand EffectÖand hereís
one that didnít work. Nobody gave even the slightest solitary fuck about time killers,
least of all Joe Lieberman. I mean, how could you? Look at the bloody thing! These are some
of the worst graphics I have ever seen, and they move at what feels like 0.03 milliframes
per second. Seriously, Iíve seen better playing beat-ëem-ups on freaking Newgrounds. For
all the many times the games industry has done something embarrassing in the ensuing
years, Iíd still put this one up as one of the worstÖif you had a hand in making it,
you should never ever be able to live it down. I doubt anyone responsible includes it on
their C.V, in any caseÖholy shit, what a calamity. You think Capcom only recently started making
utterly stupid decisions? Think again. Why, one of the stupidest things they ever did
was to take a truly stunning, epic Arcade and console game ñ one of the greatest games
ever made, the almighty Strider ñ and let U.S. Gold and Tiertex make a sequel. Guys
who came off as incompetent at best, and flat-out devious at worst. They came up with Strider
II, a disaster that had virtually nothing in common with the classic original, and came
damn close to killing off Strider completely. Funny thing is, like Stormlord, this was originally
a game for old European computers like the Spectrum that somehow ended up making it all
the way to the Mega Drive, presumably because the original was such a big seller. Itís
reflected in the horribly simplistic and repetitive design, the random enemy spawning, and the
woeful optimisation ñ the game runs with all the grace and beauty of a clogged-up drainpipe.
It was a rubbish game on the Spectrum, a rubbish game on the C64, a rubbish game on the Amiga,
and ñ guess what? ñ it was an utterly freaking abominable game on the Mega Drive. One of
the worst sequels ever, ever made. The most hyped game of the whole 16-bit era
– a fighting game that would not only change videogames, but the entire world. The books
would have to be rewritten, with ìRISE OF THE ROBOTSî printed in 200-point font on
every page ñ everything else would be a mere footnote. Rise of the Robots was more than
just the first game built for the new millennium, it was a year zero event ñ a hydrogen bomb
that would turn everything else into glass. The hype built for over a year, until it got
out of controlÖand then finally, in December 1994, the bomb was dropped. The universe seemed
to take a sharp intake of breath…everyone waited to hear the shouts, to see if anyone
else was still alive. And finally, those shouts cameÖîItís a pile of fucking shit!î Rise of the Robots was a truly epic, calamitous
flop ñ the Mega Drive version of the game is just one of many abominations released
for every platform going ñ theyíd have got the game on the bloody Virtual Boy if theyíd
ever had the chance. It promised so much that it couldnít deliver ñ a full, rocking Brian
May soundtrack that consisted of about five seconds of awful-quality FM droning. Full,
interactive 3D backgrounds that were actually static images with fighters crudely stuck
onto them. A fighting engine that was so damn smart it could be beaten with the use of a
freaking jumpkick. The whole thing was just a colossal waste of time ñ all the bison
dollars spent on the marketing were poured into a shitty, fundamentally broken fighting
gameÖfools and their money, eh? Donít you just love them? Ugh. Thatís just about all I have to say,
franklyÖoh well, I guess I ought to put something down. X-Perts is a spin-off game from Segaís
lilí fighting series that never quite made it ñ Eternal Champions. You play as the Japanese
assassin, Shadow Yamoto, as well as two otherÖum, people who exist. Youíre all a part of a
special crack super secret team of elite beating agents who travel the world searching for
fellow badly-digitised sprites they can beat up on. Alpha Protocol, this is notÖwhat it
is is an awful beat-ëem-up ñ a game with about 2 different enemy sprites, no music,
repetitive backgrounds, and dull objectives that took so damn long to do that youíd be
praying for death after about 5 minutes of play. And it was one of the last games released
for the system to bootÖtalk about a sour note to end things on. X-Perts feels like
a 16-bit dudeís idea of bringing the 32-bit experience to a machine like the MD, but his
judgementís slightly clouded because the only PS1 game heís ever played is Bubsy 3D.
The only good part about it is that when the big muscle-y male character operates a computer,
he looks like heís doing a bit of Joystick waggling. This is the only joy you will ever
get of X-Perts. Ever. Savour the moment, and then throw the sorry cartridge straight into
a woodchipper. One of the Mega Driveís most famous bad games,
I guess. Dark Castle was close to five years old by the time it came to the Mega Drive,
having started out life as a game for the Apple Macintosh, amongst other computers ñ
it also came out for the Amiga and the C64. HereÖwell, things werenít awful. You used
a mouse and keyboard for control, the voice samples were pretty clear, there wasnít any
terrible musicÖitís not a bad game for 1986. But here on the MD, in 1991? Things are different.
For a start, the computer versions used a mouse to aim ñ the MD uses the joypad, which
makes aiming a horrendously slow process ñ good luck killing anything at all. The controls
are basically like a poor manís Prince of Persia, without any of that gameís accuracy,
and the sound? Ew, godÖtons of digitised voices, all given the Mega Drive treatment
ñ distorted to hell and difficult to listen to. Hereís the thing ñ there are amusing
elements in Dark Castle. Yes, your peasant ìheroî is ludicrously weak ñ if he jumps
onto stairs, he falls and breaks his neck, and all he can do is chuck rocks at enemiesÖthat
is, when heís not dizzy. Itís like if Roger Wilco had got into platforming instead of
puzzlingÖthis is obviously all intentional, and it would have worked in a better gameÖbut
alas, this port of Dark Castle is just totally broken. Any other version of the game is better
than this hopeless MD effort, which is kinda saying a lot. The third and final new game in the top 20!…and
itís licensed. I never bothered to cover Wolverine when I did the big A-ZÖI know exactly
why ñ I knew how pissed off it would make me. This is a game where itís not just frustrating
to jump on platforms, or to kill enemies ñ though believe me, both those things will
burn your arse too ñ itís frustrating to even do anything at all. Even walking will
annoy you! Adamantium Rage is almost promising at first ñ you might think of it as like
the MDís other X-Men games, all of which are goodÖbut no. Where does it fail? Controls,
perhaps? Hoo, boyÖWolverine here appears to have about 20 moves, and theyíve all been
assigned to the controller at random. I press a down-focused combo? Wolverine attacks up.
Press a button? Goes flying across the screen. The directions of the attacks donít match
the actions on the D-Pad, which about says it all ñ itís one of the most broken games
Iíve ever come across. And every time I play it, I find myself nursing a headache after
about 30 seconds, wondering what on earth the people behind this were playing at. Still,
at least thereís always games like Clone Wars to ease the painÖother licenses werenít
ever so lucky. HeyÖwanna see some porn? I gots some for
you right here! This is Divine Sealing ñ the one and only shoot-ëem-up on this list.
I could have picked others, but truthfully Divine Sealing is so far ahead of the pack
that it stands on its ownÖwhy? THIS is why. Freaking hentai. Your every success is greeted
by big, badly-drawn cartoon plug sockets! And they sure arenít afraid to get their
flapjacks outÖlook, weíve all got our own kinks, okay? Itís just that thisÖyeeah.
Me no get ñ in fact, it makes me throw up in my mouth a little. Anyway, Iíve shown
you what you all wanted to see – let me move onto something more comfortable. Porn aside,
the gameís also here because holy Christ is it terrible. The porn is only the second
worst sight in the game ñ the first is that fucking waterÖitís just wrong. It glows
in the dark. Itíd probably cause an epileptic fit. Makes the game virtually unplayableÖmy
eyes truly are hurting right now. So yesÖthatís Divine Sealing. A shameful game ñ as soon
as I play it, I want to die…having said all of that, the gameís title music? Stupidly
awesome. A gem covered in 40-year old fat smelly nerd-spunk. Razorsoft are back again, with another very
mature adult title for adults and certainly not for kids. Technocop, originally an Amiga
game, is a game where you protect and serve the people by shooting them in the chest.
That is, after youíve drived to your location!…you might want to put on your glasses for this,
seeing as the displayís like a postage stamp. And you have to press up to accelerate, which
is sort of like strapping the pedal to your steering wheel. Good idea! But finally, youíre
there! And hoo-boy, youíll wish you werenít. The game play is wretched ñ every enemy hits
you because you always have to take your gun out and then shoot instead of justÖI dunno,
having it out and ready like any sane cop would. Sonny Bonds would not be impressed.
All you have to do is find the perp, shoot them in the chest, and then the whole process
repeatsÖand donít forget to shoot any children you spot running around in the chest as well!
Seriously, this gameÖit disgusts me. A terrible game, and a needlessly sick piece
of codeÖyou may say ìwell, what about Mortal
Kombat?î ñ craft went into that. And so did heart. Literally, in fact. This, on the
other hand? Itís just cheap and gross, and it makes me feel unclean. Some games fell down the top 20, and others,
like a damn fine cake, rose majestically. Hereís one of the latterÖtruth is, youíll
probably only know Nightmare Circus if you had the Sega Channel ñ it was a late-period
game that ended up cancelled after completion, and was only ever physically released in Brazil
ñ other than that, the game only ever appeared on Segaís nascent games on-demand serviceÖit
was, amazingly, deemed too shit for full release. Even in 1995, when games like X-Perts were
A-OK! You play as a sort of Brandon Lee-esque Native American dude who knows Kung-Fu, and
you go through various levels in a demonic funfair trying toÖum, do things. I seriously
have no idea how you even play the damn thing ñ I just struggle with the botched-up controls
until I inevitably die. Gasp! As you wonder why your characterís suddenly decided to
do push-ups in the middle of a run. Fret! As kicks and punches appear to magically go
straight through enemies without killing them. Swear! As you realise how much of a spiritual
low youíve hit by playing this awful crap for the Internet. To be honest, few of you
will have ever played this gameÖconsider it a rite of passage, a sign that youíve
truly been around. I played Nightmare Circus, what have YOU ever done?…yeah. Well, whatever
it takes to cope. Another awful beatíem-up. Woo-hoo! Ka-Ge-Ki
was an old arcade game that somehow found its way onto the Mega DriveÖthe original
wasnít much good either, but it did at least feel a bit more like a rumble ñ multiple
enemies to take on and that sort of thing. It also has a big, thoroughly Japanese art-style
thatís perhaps a bit of an acquired taste ñ I donít like it much myself, but I could
see the appealÖanyway, the Mega Drive game has been somewhat simplified. You only fight
one enemy at a time. And all you have to do is punch them repeatedly while holding the
direction away from them ñ this is how you win. You do this for every single enemy in
the game ñ get the timing right and you wonít even so much as take a hit. And every time
they go down, it takes a minute for them to get back up. Every bloody timeÖin short,
Ka-Ge-Ki is one of the slowest, dumbest and most wearying experiences Iíve ever endured
on the Mega Drive, and playing it is damn near enough to send me into a boredom-induced
coma. Weíve had quite a few computer ports on the
list so far, havenít we? Not that there werenít good ones, but wellÖthere were more than
a few titles like this. Although letís not mince words ñ this game was already terrible
before it ever got to the Mega Drive. Sword of Sodan is proof that bigger doesnít always
equal better ñ you get these absolutely massive, detailed sprites, and all they do is shuffle
around like geriatric zombies, aimlessly waving weapons aboutÖitís a trite, meaningless
existence. You play as either one of the ancestors of Jonathan and Jennifer Hart, and you solve
the mystery of what happens when you stab a guard repeatedly in the crotch. Thatís
all there is to the game, really ñ a minute in and youíve basically seen everything.
Thereís plenty of grunts and groans and quite a bit of blood, and thatís allÖthereís
also quite a lot of birdsong, which weirdly is exactly like what youíd hear in one of
EAís PGA Tour Golf games. If only there was more crossover than thisÖCraig Stadler would
have whooped all these guys to shit in a second. Wouldnít you Craig? Iíll just shut up for a minute so you can
watch the intro. ThatísÖjust stunning. A beautiful job, Micronet ñ truly. Itís plain
to see that a great deal of very talented artists worked hard on that introduction,
and it really gets you pumped up for the game. Thereís just one tiny problemÖwhat in the
Christ did you do with the game? This makes Rise of the Robots look like Street Fighter
II! The jumpingís uncontrollable! Every time I get knocked down, I canít get up for a
minute and then I canít even attack! Every damn fight just seems to last 1000 years,
and thatís when Iím getting thrashed! What on earth happened here? Heavy Novaís intro
just delivers so much, and then after that you end up here, with a fighting game that
simply doesnít make any sense. It tries to almost be a strategic fighter ñ certain moves
need to be charged up before you can do them, so you have to pick them carefullyÖbut itís
horribly executed. Once you take too much of a beating, it gets to a point where you
canít even punch anymore ñ thereís nothing you can do to stem the tide. Certainly leaves
your robot looking quite hopeless, thatís for sureÖthe ideas werenít horrible, howeverÖwell,
the final result says it all. But weíll always have that superb intro. Thereís a serious issue with burnout going
on here. Truth be told, Iím only doing this because YouTube buggered up the original videos
ñ after Iíd finished them, I was content to let them sit and never have to play most
of these games here againÖbut well, here we are. If you notice me being more caustic
than usual, then thatís your reason! Especially when I have to play something like Last Action
Hero again. The game based on the film within a film within a film where someone gets killed
with an ice cream cone to the headÖalas, nothing like that happens in this game. First off, just look at ArnieÖis he ill?
Or is the game actually from the future and showing what he looks like now in 1993? And
look at the lazy design, where entire assets are repeated every couple of screens without
a care. Or notice how Arnie never actually fires a gun ñ the worldís biggest action
hero, famed for butchering extras by the score, apparently didnít want to be seen shooting
anyone in his freaking games. Listen to how even the doors cry out in anguish when you
break them down. Look at how every screen is a dull fight between the same enemies over
and over again. See how if youíre unfortunate enough to get past this first level, the following
driving section is virtually unplayable. Hear how the music was obviously composed by a
group of chipmunks bashing at a Casio. Think on all that youíve just witnessed, and take
it with you ñ for this is one of the worst licensed games of them all. The mind cannot
truly fathom a creation this grotesque unless they feel it for themselvesÖbut I urge you
to never, ever repeat our mistake. WELCOME. TO THE FIGHT PALACE. Yes, this is
the game I got my avatar from. The man you just saw is called Mondu, and heís the main
star of Slaughter Sport ñ a game also known as Tongue of the Fatman in other places, as
well as Monduís Fight Palace when it was originally released on the C64Öyep, itís
another game by Razor Soft! Anyway, Mondu is the Fat Lord of the Fight Palaces, and
heís brought you here for some entertainment! More precisely, his. Youíre going to fight
other denizens and put on a good show. Itís even rumoured that Mondu himself takes the
stage against those who do exceptionally wellÖit all sounds like the plot to a terrible B-Movie,
doesnít it? Even more so than something like, I dunno, Pit-Fighter ñ this would be the
REAL bottom scraper. Think about it in 80ís action terms ñ Pit-Fighter, at a push, would
probably star Jean-Claude Van Damme. Slaughter Sport, on the other handÖjeez. Michael Dudikoff,
if you were lucky. The annoying thing about Slaughter Sport is
that had the game even being remotely, even the slightest bit competent, it would have
probably been fun ñ the mere promise of fighting a man who talks through his gargantuan stomach
would be enough to see you throughÖbut itís not. It beggars belief ñ despite all the
terrible beat-ëem-ups and fighting games weíve seen in the list already, this is easily
the worst and the most unplayable. You canít even back away from an opponent like you would
in a normal fighter ñ if you do, you turn your back on them and get pounded on. In all
my time playing this crap, I have honestly never won a single fight ñ thereís nothing
I can do! The only way to really play the game is just to mash the buttons and hope
for the best, honestly. Nothing about it makes sense. Even the fact that it isnít #1 doesnít
make sense, because I can barely imagine anything thatís worse than thisÖhowever, there IS
something worse. Awesome Possum. Yes, itís still #1. There
are perhaps games that control worse, or that look worse, or simply are worse ñ I wonít
deny any of that. Awesome Possum is simply #1 because I hate him. Even when paired against
other Sonic rip-offs, he outstrips any of them ñ Bubsy the Bobcat is honestly nothing
compared to the Possum. Everything about the Possum is awful ñ the ëtude emanating from
his stupid slab of a face, that typical ìisnít this so silly?î grin, but more than anything
elseÖthereís the speaking. Every single thing he does is accompanied by something
annoying. JustÖhear it for yourselves. Do you understand? No? How about some more then?
Had enough yet?…ok. And all of this is in service of some warped
environmental message that just feels tacked on ñ something else that could sell the game
and nothing more. Itís kind of amusing if you get one of the environmental questions
wrong ñ the animal court gasps as if youíve just kicked a seal to death in front of them
ñ butÖthis is all bollocks, isnít it? Like this game even gives the slightest crap about
the environment ñ all it merely wants to do is hector without teaching anybody anything.
As someone whoÖwell, actually does care ñ thatís more annoying than anything. Frankly,
all the plastic wasted on making this game means it did more harm than good. And yes, it runs like a dog to boot ñ itís
so juddery, slow and uncontrollableÖit has all the trappings of a terrible platform game,
believe me ñ If I say that another game has awful controls, Iím going to cut off my hands.
But thereís something else about the Possum that makes me hate him and put him above everything
elseÖheís just got that edge. Iím a calm, loving flower-child kind of guy, and as soon
as I see the Possum I want to throttle the bastard out of existence. Heís more effective
than the Two Minutes Hate in 1984. And thatís why heís #1! Congratulations! Ugh. No more to be said ñ the videoís over.
Thanks for watching, have a good one and all that. Bye!

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