The Rapping Lawyer


In the matter of Robert Nicholson. Mr. Nicholson, accompanied by council. Good morning Your Honor. Good morning Your Honor. Council, would you identify yourself for the record please? Yes Your Honor, Terry McEnaney on behalf of Robert Nicholson. Terry?
McEnaney. aka Bobby Braciola. How many of you ever heard of Braciola? Raise your hand. All right, well not only now have you heard of Braciola, but now you’re looking at Bobby Braciola, right. Thank you. Is that your name, Bobby Braciola? It is Your Honor, you know busting rhymes is my favorite sport, I wanna wish you all to municipal court, I came here to rock, make you happy yo, to the honorable Judge Caprio. So give it up and wave your hands high in the air. We’re gonna rock the party like you just don’t care, so listen as I rap and you’re gonna believe, I’m gonna tell you about Christmas Eve. You see a paisan’s home on Christmas Eve, it’s something unique and not to be believed. We party at Grandma’s fulfilling a wish, she’ll be kicking off the season with a table of fish. We’re at the super market loading up the car, we got the squid, the smelts, the baccala. Back at the house we getting in the groove, the women are all slaving, they’re all in bad moods. But wait til the shrimp cocktail’s here, then all my boombadas share the Christmas cheer. Dinner lasts for hours, yo it’s gettin’ late I’m stuffed to the max, my usual trait. Conversation turns to the annual debate, should we open our presents or should we wait? Well every year it’s the same thing, how do we open them if Santa hasn’t been here yet, what are you, stupid? Guys were rocking around the Christmas tree, with Bobby Braciola and his family. An experience you will not believe With my pazzi fasulle, my family. Remember, listen up to Bobby B. Everyone’s Italian on Christmas Eve. Capisce? Merry Christmas everybody. (speaks Italian) Peace. (Judge laughs) Now Council, I have to ask this question, when you took the bar exam, did you entertain the members of the board of bar examiners? No, but I would have if it was on the exam. (Judge and Terry laugh) All right.
If I had to judge. All right, you have a matter before me. Mr. Nicholson had actually loaned his car to a friend of his, the manager of Vick’s Tap. His mother had recently passed away, he blew his engine. Bobby let him use his car. He was traveling at a rate of speed that was 32 in a 25 mile an hour zone. Obviously, Bobby was very disturbed when he found out, that Bailey who he’d given his car to had actually driven over the speed limit. I’m asking the court to exercise its discretion in this matter on behalf of the owner of the vehicle. He’s one mile over what we have been prosecuting, so I’m going to give him a break on it, he’s one mile over. The moral of the story is, don’t let anyone else use your car. That’s the moral of the story. (laughs) Absolutely. Actually for the non-Italians who are here, Braciola is rolled beef that usually is part of a Sunday dinner, you know, Italian community. So how did you get the name, Bobby Braciola? Did you make it? Well Your Honor, my first song was called, “I’m a Spacone” and I was trying to– (laughs) Spacone was a showoff. Yeah and I was trying to think of a good name that would go with the song, I’m a Spacone. So it was Mike Macaroni, Ronnie Rollatini, Bobby Braciola, and then Bobby Braciola kinda rhymed with it so, I don’t talk too much, I’m no chiacchierone. I know how to dance, I ain’t a Strombolone. I got tons of class, I’m no Cavone, my name is Bobby Braciola and I’m a big Spacone. Matter is dismissed. (laughs) (Mr. Nicholson claps) Thank you, Your Honor. Judge I’m thankful, that leaves Ziggy Ziti still open. (group laughs) (upbeat music)

100 comments

  1. A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL WITH ALL GOD BLESSING TO YOU ALL 💖🎄🎉🎊🎁💝 AND A BRIGHT NEW YEAR 2020.

  2. The best bracciole I've ever had was made by Carl Orsini of Orsini's Sausage shop. I make a decent (but not great) bracciole myself.

  3. Probably he wants to attract more clients by showing off his rapping skills. A rapping lawyer is kinda intimidating in court.

  4. สุขสันต์คริสต์มาสค่ะท่าน
    ขอให้ท่านสุขภาพแข็งแรง
    พบแต่สิ่งดีๆนะคะ.

  5. Thank you judge Craprio and Inspector Quinn may God gives you long life because you are very important for every one, to show love and respect one to another. Marry Christmas everyone.

  6. And if you pay the retainer you will get my latest CD! Wow I loved it! Rap battle with rabbit vs the rapping lawyer next!

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