Judge Court – SNL


>>>WHEN PEOPLE DO WRONG —
>>YOU’RE WRONG.>>YOU NEED SOMEONE YOU CAN
TRUST.>>OH, PLEASE.
>>OR HOW ABOUT SOME THREE?>>YOU’RE GOING TO JAIL.
>>FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE JUDGE JUDY BUT WISH IT WAS WAY
LESS COMPLICATED, IT’S JUDGE COURT.
>>HI. HI.
HELLO.>>WELCOME TO JUDGE COURT.
>>OKAY. WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?
GO AHEAD.>>OKAY, I RENTED AN APARTMENT
FOR EIGHT MONTHS IN 20 THOUSAND SIXTEEN.
IN THAT TIME, I DID NOT HAVE A BATHTUB.
SO I’M SEEKING RECOMPENSE FOR THE BATHTUB.
>>AND I’M SAYING THAT’S B.S.>>EXCUSE ME.
MR. LANDLORD, HOW OLD ARE YOU?>>30.
>>OKAY. THAT IS TOO YOUNG.
YOU’RE GOING TO JAIL.>>YOU’RE GOING TO JAIL.
>>WAIT, WHAT?>>JUDGE COURT.
IT’S THE ONLY COURTROOM WITH THREE JUDGES.
LINDA CHRISTINA. CHRISTINA MIAMI.
AND MARLENE WEBB. THEY TIED FOR LAST PLACE IN
THEIR LAW SCHOOL CLASS AND THEY’RE BEST FRIENDS WHO HAVE
DINNER EVERY NIGHT.>>OKAY.
SAY YOUR ISSUE, PLEASE.>>HIS DOG BIT ME.
>>AND HE WAS HUNGRY.>>ENOUGH.
WE HAVE A VERDICT.>>THE DOG IS ENTITLED TO AN ALL
EXPENSES PAID DINNER AT BUCA DI BEPPO.
>>YEAH, THE DOG IS GOING TO DINNER WITH US AND YOU ARE GOING
TO JAIL.>>WHAT?
WHY?>>EXCUSE ME.
YOU DO NOT IN HERE TO HER.>>DO WHAT?
>>LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME!
YOU SEE THIS WOMAN?>>THIS WOMAN.
>>DO YOU SEE THIS WOMAN RIGHT HERE?
>>DO YOU SEE HER?>>YEAH, YEAH, I SEE HER.
>>THIS WOMAN GAVE ME $10,000 SO I COULD GET MY PAINFULLY SHY SON
A SEX PILL FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.>>YOU SEE THIS WOMAN?
SHE DRESSES ME EVERY MORNING. I FIGHT HER THE WHOLE WAY BUT
SHE DOES IT.>>YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHEN I WAS CHOKING ON A HARD CANDY, THIS WOMAN SUCKED IT OUT
THROUGH MY ASS. OKAY?
I WAS ALL — AND SHE WAS — I WAS NAKED, OF COURSE.
>>CAN I JUST GO TO JAIL?>>WHEN I PAY, SHE WIPES.
>>WHEN I CRY, SHE SCREAMS.>>AND WHEN I NEED TO WAKE UP,
SHE SHOOTS HER GUN.>>ARE WE STILL DOING MY CASE?
>>YEAH, YEAH, WE SOLVED IT.>>YEAH, WE RELEASE YOU OF YOUR
OWN RENAISSANCE.>>GO.
>>DON’T WORRY. WHAT THESE LADIES LACK IN
UNDERSTANDING OF THE LAW, THEY MAKE UP FOR IN CATCHPHRASES.
>>EAT DIRT.>>DON’T HOLD MY BREATH.
>>DON’T GIVE ME BOOGERS AND TELL ME IT’S BROCCOLI.
>>I THINK I’M GETTING OFF ON THIS.
>>YOU DUMB BITCH.>>ALL RIGHT.
SPEAK UP. IF YOU MUMBLE, YOU’RE GOING TO
JAIL.>>OKAY.
WELL, THESE THREE BOYS THREW A HOUSE PARTY IN MY VACATION
RENTAL AND COST FIVE MILLION BUCKS IN DAMAGES AND NOW MY
HOUSE IS JUST A BURNING CRATER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>WE’RE SORRY, MA’AMS. WE WERE JUST BOYS HAVING FUN.
>>BUT THAT FUN KNOCKED OUT A HOUSE, AND THAT’S NOT OKAY.
>>IN YOUR WORDS, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?
>>WELL, I SPILLED THE SNACKS.>>I BROUGHT MY SKATEBOARD INTO
THE LIVING ROOM.>>AND THEN, I SET THE HOUSE ON
FIRE.>>WE ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES OF
OUR HORSEPLAY.>>OKAY.
THAT IS IT. I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
YOU ARE MY SONS. YOU’RE ALL OUR SONS.
>>GOD, YOU ARE PERFECT.>>WE’RE NOT GOING TO JAIL?
>>NO, NO. WE’RE ALL GOING TO DINNER.
WHERE’S THAT DOG?>>WHERE’S THE DOG?
>>JUDGE COURT. ON EVERY DAY FOR 100 YEARS.

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